I am getting sick of everything..

I am sick of what I do and what I don’t, I am so sick of doing things that make me happy and make me unhappy, I am so sick of the fact that I am not putting enough effort inanything, I am sick of being a fucking spoiled child, I am sick of living because I can’t appreciate anything, I am sick of wanting to stop all this fuckery.

Why the hell would someone still have faith in me? Why am I even supposed to have ambitions? I am never going to satisfy anyone anyway… I am never going to satisfy myself.

It all became very simple now, in a sudden. I don’t wish for anything anymore. I don’t want anything. I just want to turn into a gigantic beetle and die when people around me realize they don’t need me anymore. Just like Gregor in The Metamorphosis. I like reading Kafka.

Fuck this shit. I am losing weight again.

I don’t want to be the fattest girl in the hospital once they put me in there…

I miss those days when I used to feel special